No One

I lost my voice
This wasn't a choice
I'm in vain
Can you feel the pain?
My thoughts echoe
Feelings grow
Tripping on acid
I've fallin' and slid
Break this chain
& whipe away the stain
Digging my own grave
Like some kind of slave
I can't take this anymore
I'm torn to the very core

It's whatever

I wish I could just keep everything to myself
Things seem better that way
I don't even care if I have all of these thoughts bottled up inside of me anymore
There's no point in letting people know how I feel when all it got me is to this point in my life
Nothings the same and it's never going to be
Do I have to keep lying to myself, or continue to lie to you so that I can be happy?
Why do I feel like this is all a game & I'm the dice you throw to decide where your fate rests?
It's whatever
I can keep doing what I want behind your back & never be truly happy
or you can let me find a decent person & let me be happy
In the end, I'm not ruining your life, your ruining mine
& nothing I can say or do will ever be good for you
You really don't understand and you never will
There isn't a trace of empathy until you decide you want it
I don't want to become some loner, but if you crave for that sense of acceptance from everyone else in your life, then I will never understand where your coming from myself
I just want to run far away & never come back
Just to have a fresh start
I don't even care anymore
It's whatever

Friends?

We grew up together

Always laughing, having many great times

So many memories to look back on

I wonder why our friendship made that turn

I wonder why, as soon as I do something you don't like, I feel like you treat my like an outsider

Even when no one else took me in, you did

You made me feel like I had a friend, but now, I don't know what to think

Friends forever, Friends till the end..

If that was true, then why'd you give up on me so easily?
Why do you look at me with those eyes, trying to make me feel the way you do, when I feel like you could never ever feel the way that I do?

We aren't the same person, and we never will be, but that's the thing.. Opposites attract, even in friendships.

Quit trying to make me into something i'm not. People grow up, and change.

I'm not that little innocent runt I once was.

If you want to still be friends, I am always here. 

But it's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't accept me for who I am, and is happy for me.

I don't get what's going through your mind, and you probably feel the same way, but Friendships are supposed to last.

A kid attempts to throw a rock and have it skip across the water.

He keeps on trying and trying, but as he does it more and more, he eventually learns the best technique to get that rock to skip. He keeps in mind the shape of the rock, and the way that he holds it and throws it. He made it happen because he didn't give up. Friendships are challenging, but they are worth it! If you're a true friend, you will always be there when your friend needs you, and never give up on them for anything. To be a true friend may take time, but the effort you put into it will make all the difference in the end. 

People judge others so easily, and just give up on them when they do something they don't like. Who gives a crap? Don't be so quick to judge.. 

When you just ignore a friend because they are living a certain lifestyle that doesn't settle good in your stomach, then your probably making that person feel like you don't care about them at all.. Don't ignore your friends and make them feel like crap, because you may be one of the only true friends they ever had, and now they may feel like no one is there for them.

Do you really care?

How come I feel like you don't even know me..?

I opened up to you, yet you "act" as though I never said anything at all..

It may have been a lot to take in, but I thought you were supposed to be there for me through this.. Aren't you supposed to be the one to make these wrongs right?

Are you completely blind to see what's right in front of you? 

What's taking form right before your eyes? 

If you didn't want this to happen, then maybe, just maybe you would have been the support I needed at the time.

Don't underestimate your authority. You could make a change if you really wanted to, but your just sitting back.. The things you've betrayed and had hatred for so long, are slowly morphing into your reality.

What Have I Become? This egotistic, eccentric person who only cares about his own selfish needs? Did this have to happen? Is this who I really am, or just something temporary?

God I can't go on in my own understanding.. So please, just this once, help a guy out?

I need to understand what to do and who to become for my future, yet nothings working out.. or is it?

People are so misunderstood, and lost, yet no one is there to help..

Do you really want to just sit back and let your friends drowned in a continuous flood?
If your answer is no, then talk to them.. They NEED your help and guidance..

Good day.

Run like the wind bullseye!

I've had a hard time struggling with who I am exactly as a person.
All of this talk about what my friends and family have planned for their futures.
 It seems like I don't have anything planned out for my future, but I've realized I'm going to be okay.
God put me in this position I am in for a reason.
It's time for me to have passion in my strengths and to not worry about my weaknesses.
God has my heart and no one else needs it.
He will restore and mend my heart in the best way possible.

Although I am not perfect, I should strive to do my best and to be more like Christ.

Ever think that there's more to life then just living for yourself?
I feel like that quite a bit myself.
Finding out who you are is essential at a young age, like myself of 19.
I need to evaluate my life and figure out what needs to be changed.

Don't let your struggles define who you are, but overcome them with Faith.
You may struggle with stealing, but your actions define you rather than your struggle.
Your only a thief if you keep giving in and accepting it as a part of you.
It's super hard not giving in to your selfish desires, so you have to make it a top priority in your life to overcome it.

I'm no trying to sound religious or anything, but there is an enemy named Satan and he will do his best to destroy you.
He's not that strong though, because with God on your side, you will overcome any obstacle that you've been hit with.

Don't run away from your problems because all that will do is make things worse.
Hit them head on and reach for the sky!

Until next time!

,Jonathon

My poems

Just wanted to write down some poems in this blog entry today!
Not sure what i'm going to do with them yet. Probably do some more editing to them.. eventually..
Hope u like them though. Let me know what you think of them! Thanks!


Jesus Christ I love you,
I can't believe what you've been through
Each and every day,
It's never the same
You are perfection,
 beyond my recognition
Oh so mighty is your word,
cutting deeper than any sword
Giving up my selfish life,
I turn to you in strife
My anger releases,
you put together my missing pieces.

&

This constant agitation,
My body, slowly wasting
Your sympathy doesn't matter,
Like broken glass, I shatter
Realizing my pain,
It's utterly insane
Flowing like a river,
I endeavor
Life is a test,
not put at rest
But that's okay,
I shall delay..

AND I will probably add more later. Keep it fresh! :)
,Jonathon

Wondering & Dreaming

"I wonder what my life would be like if I was rich?"
"I wonder who I would be if I lived my life to the fullest?"

Is it so bad to wonder I ask?


I mean we can all have dreams, even one's we know most likely won't ever come true.
Just follow those dreams in which are obtainable and don't rely on the one's that aren't!


Hmmm.. Can life be this simple? Are we not supposed to make our dreams a reality?


Pray and ask God for guidance on this factor in life.
I'm sure we all love to dream and wonder, but not all of that is in God's place for us.


When I speak of dreams at this moment, I mean more of what you have in mind for your future. Like goals you have set for yourself.
Dreams you have while you sleep may have to do with these goals, but most dreams are pretty weird..


So how do we know if the dreams/goals we have for ourselves are in line with what Jesus Christ has for us?
Well pray and ask him. It's that simple. Be patient and wait for an answer.


Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Pretty straightforward. Just seek him and have faith. He will give you the answers your looking for.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Amen! (=

Zephaniah 2:3 Seek the LORD, all who are humble, and follow his commands. Seek to do what is right and to live humbly.


By doing what is right, God will help you and reward you. 

Okay so I know not everyone believes in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

"So why should I even believe what you have to say?"

I would tell you to pray about it, but if you don't believe in God in the first place, then just trust me. I am your friend if you found this link on my facebook page.. lol

The point I was trying to come across on this journal is; Many people just jump into so many circumstances and situations that seem "well" to them. I know I don't want to live for myself anymore though, and I care about others. I think no matter what you believe in, we should all seek to help others. :) Caring for others really  helps you become happy in the end anyway!

I know when I help someone out, I feel so much better about myself.

Okay so look at your life right now and think of ten hobbies you have.

If these hobbies have to do with Skateboarding, Swimming, Playing Guitar, Videogames, T.V., Movies, hanging out with friends, and other things you like to do that don't necessarily help anyone else out other than yourself, then maybe you need to re-invent your hobbies.

(Sorry terrible run-on sentence, I know... =P)

I don't know what you think you should do, but seek to do selfless acts of kindness each and everyday. Think of helping someone else out each day, and do what you can do to put a smile on someone's face!

Peace!

Thoughts

I don't know why it feels so wrong to do the right thing sometimes.
Maybe because getting caught up in living for yourself, and not for God, just messes with your thoughts and feelings..

I don't know if this is just me being difficult or what, but I don't like doing what I know needs to be done.

I haven't been talking to many people for a little while now because I think I need to first grow in my relationship with Jesus, and then get over this addiction I have of having to be with my friends all of the time.

Even though it doesn't seem like people can be an addiction, I have realized that they really are in my own life.
It's like I get so caught up in my friendships, where I always want to see them and talk to them.
Loneliness sucks, but if I was truly where I wanted to be with God right now, then I doubt this loneliness that comes to me would even exist anymore...

It sucks because I feel as though I've just done my own thing for awhile now. Like always hanging out with many different friends. I love having all of these people in my life, don't get me wrong.. but I honestly feel as though God is making things in my life happen for a reason.

I feel as though I normally always have to talk to my friends first before they talk to me. I've realized that it takes two to tango, but I feel like I put so much into some of my relationships with people, but they aren't giving back what I want.
 It's not like I'm giving up on these people, but it saddens me to a point.

I'm just trying to trust in God to lead me to where he wants me to be in my life.
I know I need to separate myself from many of my friends at this moment to grow in him, and learn who I truly am.

It's so important to become who God's called you to be, but it's just so hard to not get caught up in the world..
 I don't want to live for others or for myself any longer. I want to live for God, but It's going to take many steps toward this goal I've set up for myself.

Feeling wishy-washy with my beliefs isn't good at all, but honestly that's where I am at right now.. I don't feel like I have a strong concept of what is right and what I truly believe in at the moment.

 I wish life was easy, but it's really not at all.. I'm growing up, and people aren't always going to be there for me any longer. I need to be more independent and not rely on others for happiness or anything for that matter.

It sucks, it really does, but if your one of my friends whom I haven't talked to in awhile, just know that I do care about you, I just need this separation to move on with my life and grow as a person in God. Thanks.

These Things Take Time

People expect things to just magically happen in their lives.

Like everything in life is just supposed to be easy.

If everything was easy, what would we learn as human beings?

Would there be a point to anything anymore?

Your life is a test.

You stumble and fall, then you get back up again. 

This happens continuously until you realize what you need to do to get over that road block in your way.

Why can't I be this way or that way?
Everything happens for a reason in a sense.

If you don't think that you can change or do something, than pray about it.

God IS listening!

Be patient. 

Patience is so uncommon these days. It's such a great thing to have, yet it's hard to be this way.

Just Do It.

Learn. Don't expect things to be easy because they never are.

Life is hard, but failing is better than never trying.

You learn from your failures, and obtain great knowledge that can be used in your future.

Listen. People are all different. Take the time to get to know people you wouldn't expect to.

Be careful. Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. (so true)

If you want something in life that you have prayed about over and over again, ask yourself if this is what God really wants for you.

If you find that it's something you WANT and don't necessarily NEED at this moment in time, then it really isn't that relevant for you today.

Make Goals.

It's important to persevere through the hard times, but you should also set goals to improve how you do that.

Maybe you can't move on until you inspect the problem fully, and really want to move on.

Life is a learning process. I know I learn all of the time, and I can't believe all of the things I've realized lately. It's all thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for never giving up on me. <3

My Father, My Abba. I Need You. I Love You. I Can Trust You With My Life.

First Impressions

First Impressions are big!


Okay, now this isn't necessarily factual. Many people may disagree with this statement, that's why I am going to persuade you otherwise.. ;)
 (possibly, probably not though.. xD)


Even if you are one of the low percentages that disagree with this statement, I bet you have judged a person the moment you came in contact with them.. "Oh dang, that girl/guy is fine! I wanna get to know her/him..."


Ever heard of the saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." ???
Well that should be something no one does, but honestly, who doesn't do that..?


First impressions are key. If you want someone to like you, then you better make dang sure that you don't mess up the first impression they have on you. 


I remember this one time I walked up to my friend who was talking to a girl at church. For some odd reason I thought this girl looked exactly like someone I've previously met. So of course I approached her and asked her if her name was what I thought it was.. Oddly enough I got her name correct, but it was her first time at church and I kinda freaked her out.. I never met her before, but I met someone who looked just like her and had the same first name.. Now I don't know if that's a weird coincidence, but I totally bombed that first impression. I was kind of hyper at the time too, so she probably thought I was just a crazy stalker and nut-case.


Haha so First Impressions really do matter sometimes...
Most people don't remember what they did when they first met someone.
Fine, sometimes it really doesn't matter, but to those people who judge you on the spot it does..


But who really gives a crap on what they think anyways..


(you do..) ;)


Let's be honest here, the world is super judgmental.
People look at what you say and do, and rate you based on that.
It sucks, it really does.. "And why should we even want to impress these judgmental hypocrites anyways?"

You wanna know why? Because one day that judgmental hypocrite may be your boss, and then you have to obey by their rules or you get fired! How do you like them apples? =P


LOL


THE END!

Myself

I don't necessarily know how I feel sometimes. I just get into these moods where I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. Like I just space out and feel like i'm in a whole different world as well. I know that sounds kind of weird.. 

I'm kind of a pessimist, and it stinks. I feel like life sucks most of the time due to my negative reactions to little situations. 

Example: I'm taking out the trash late at night on a Tuesday, and I carry so much in my hands, that something falls to the ground. I get all pissed just because I dropped that one item.

Sure that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes me say things under my breath that i later regret, just because it ticked me off for that one short second..

And when I don't succeed at something or even when my friends joke around about me, I really get ticked off and let it ruin my whole night. I'm more of the type of person that shows my emotions, so that's why most of my friends hate how negative I am. Because I show it. It's probably good that I don't always hide my feelings, but I know I negatively effect people around me, and I hate that about me.

It's good to vent sometimes like I am right now. & It's really good to talk to someone you consider a mentor/good friend because they can't always help, but at least your not hiding your feelings all of the time. It feels so much better to get things off your chest too.

 

The best way to deal with my negativity would probably be to pray and get into the word of God. Of course me being myself, I don't usually do that.. I just listen to music quite a bit, and sometimes talk to one of my friends. I surround myself with good people for the most part and my friends help sometimes, but my attitude isn't going to change in one night. I know it takes time, and I really need to just try something out that could help. If i knew what that was, then maybe, just maybe I would be more content.

I have life pretty good, but I just need to be more Optimistic. I'm very appreciative, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like I wish there was more to life. I hate so many things.. Like for instance, I hate feeling so alone all of the time. I hate being so emotional. I'm a guy, but I feel like I'm so much different than most guys.. Sure i didn't play on any sports teams & I don't really think the same way some guys do, but God made me how I am for a reason, right?

 I wish I was strong both mentally and physically. I'm working on it, but I know I can't do anything without God.. I just want to get over so many things and be happy, but it's hard. I hate making up excuses and feeling sorry for myself. This is a new year, and I HAVE TO change. I need to become more independent as a person. I rely on others to help guide me in life, but of course people can't always help me out. I need to do more things that can help others out, like selfless acts.

This blog is all about me, and I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything, I just want people to read this and comment on whatever they want. Feel free to say anything, but I would kindly appreciate words of advice, rather than harsh crap I don't need to hear. I probably already know how much I suck myself, and I don't need my self-confidence to be even lower than it already is.. Thanks.

Now watch this video! I love his sarcasm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdUkLWnkmEM&feature=related