Thoughts

I don't know why it feels so wrong to do the right thing sometimes.
Maybe because getting caught up in living for yourself, and not for God, just messes with your thoughts and feelings..

I don't know if this is just me being difficult or what, but I don't like doing what I know needs to be done.

I haven't been talking to many people for a little while now because I think I need to first grow in my relationship with Jesus, and then get over this addiction I have of having to be with my friends all of the time.

Even though it doesn't seem like people can be an addiction, I have realized that they really are in my own life.
It's like I get so caught up in my friendships, where I always want to see them and talk to them.
Loneliness sucks, but if I was truly where I wanted to be with God right now, then I doubt this loneliness that comes to me would even exist anymore...

It sucks because I feel as though I've just done my own thing for awhile now. Like always hanging out with many different friends. I love having all of these people in my life, don't get me wrong.. but I honestly feel as though God is making things in my life happen for a reason.

I feel as though I normally always have to talk to my friends first before they talk to me. I've realized that it takes two to tango, but I feel like I put so much into some of my relationships with people, but they aren't giving back what I want.
 It's not like I'm giving up on these people, but it saddens me to a point.

I'm just trying to trust in God to lead me to where he wants me to be in my life.
I know I need to separate myself from many of my friends at this moment to grow in him, and learn who I truly am.

It's so important to become who God's called you to be, but it's just so hard to not get caught up in the world..
 I don't want to live for others or for myself any longer. I want to live for God, but It's going to take many steps toward this goal I've set up for myself.

Feeling wishy-washy with my beliefs isn't good at all, but honestly that's where I am at right now.. I don't feel like I have a strong concept of what is right and what I truly believe in at the moment.

 I wish life was easy, but it's really not at all.. I'm growing up, and people aren't always going to be there for me any longer. I need to be more independent and not rely on others for happiness or anything for that matter.

It sucks, it really does, but if your one of my friends whom I haven't talked to in awhile, just know that I do care about you, I just need this separation to move on with my life and grow as a person in God. Thanks.