Myself

I don't necessarily know how I feel sometimes. I just get into these moods where I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. Like I just space out and feel like i'm in a whole different world as well. I know that sounds kind of weird.. 

I'm kind of a pessimist, and it stinks. I feel like life sucks most of the time due to my negative reactions to little situations. 

Example: I'm taking out the trash late at night on a Tuesday, and I carry so much in my hands, that something falls to the ground. I get all pissed just because I dropped that one item.

Sure that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it makes me say things under my breath that i later regret, just because it ticked me off for that one short second..

And when I don't succeed at something or even when my friends joke around about me, I really get ticked off and let it ruin my whole night. I'm more of the type of person that shows my emotions, so that's why most of my friends hate how negative I am. Because I show it. It's probably good that I don't always hide my feelings, but I know I negatively effect people around me, and I hate that about me.

It's good to vent sometimes like I am right now. & It's really good to talk to someone you consider a mentor/good friend because they can't always help, but at least your not hiding your feelings all of the time. It feels so much better to get things off your chest too.

 

The best way to deal with my negativity would probably be to pray and get into the word of God. Of course me being myself, I don't usually do that.. I just listen to music quite a bit, and sometimes talk to one of my friends. I surround myself with good people for the most part and my friends help sometimes, but my attitude isn't going to change in one night. I know it takes time, and I really need to just try something out that could help. If i knew what that was, then maybe, just maybe I would be more content.

I have life pretty good, but I just need to be more Optimistic. I'm very appreciative, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like I wish there was more to life. I hate so many things.. Like for instance, I hate feeling so alone all of the time. I hate being so emotional. I'm a guy, but I feel like I'm so much different than most guys.. Sure i didn't play on any sports teams & I don't really think the same way some guys do, but God made me how I am for a reason, right?

 I wish I was strong both mentally and physically. I'm working on it, but I know I can't do anything without God.. I just want to get over so many things and be happy, but it's hard. I hate making up excuses and feeling sorry for myself. This is a new year, and I HAVE TO change. I need to become more independent as a person. I rely on others to help guide me in life, but of course people can't always help me out. I need to do more things that can help others out, like selfless acts.

This blog is all about me, and I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything, I just want people to read this and comment on whatever they want. Feel free to say anything, but I would kindly appreciate words of advice, rather than harsh crap I don't need to hear. I probably already know how much I suck myself, and I don't need my self-confidence to be even lower than it already is.. Thanks.

Now watch this video! I love his sarcasm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdUkLWnkmEM&feature=related